maybe i'll get into depression one day.

i always thought i was so fortunate..

yes indeed! im VERY fortunate compared to many others and to my brothers too.. everything looked so perfect on stage that u forgot about things that happened behind the scenes.

life is indeed unfair. why are they so immature while their elder siblings are sooo much better? because they lack care? because they lack family love? or wad? i really dunno. it's bias to start with.

why everything revolves around money? yes. u cant buy money with happiness. but money is the ultimate cause of ALMOST everything... almost. the fear when u feel that nobody is with u. u have tried your best but it's beyond your means. u felt helpless. u can do nothing. I DONT UNDERSTAND! just sit there and cry?

it hurts. why is he so naughty that other ppl have to help slap him to keep him quiet? even his parents wun do that. why? why? and why is the elder brother like that too? blame the elder brother. blame his mother. blame his father. blame grandparents.. IS THAT THE WAY TO TEACH A IMMATURE KID?

all the jabbering i listened.. i tried to ignore. i tried to avoid. pretend i didnt hear. who cares? deep down inside im crying. im just not happy with certain things. i've my opinion too.. tho it's hard to make a stand sometimes.

something just really hurts to see my loved ones getting so hurt. yup. now i counted.. they are alomost everybody. their fate? how can i help? how to when i dun even have the authority to do so? how to when i myself am struggling? consequences to bear...

im afraid.. im afraid..
afraid that wad's me that u see is really only a mask. i dun feel that.. i like to be happy. yes. i knw i didnt force that out.. but does that means that i got so numb that i felt happy and crazy instead? too long.. too much that it became my character.. hence the crazy me. maybe that's just something to make me live longer..

is there anybody who can sit beside me now and cry with me?

happy family? it's so difficult.